He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
