You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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