And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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