I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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