I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
