i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
