Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
