I love black thongs
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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