umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
