she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
