Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
