it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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