Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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