So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
