no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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