OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
