wanna go halves on a baby?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You ruined the universe
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
