I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
