Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
