apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
