Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
