Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
foreskin is a definite game changer
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
