my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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