i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize