NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
