This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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