Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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