I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
