And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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