There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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