then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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