addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
