I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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