I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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