He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
