so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
