i used baking grease as lip gloss
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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