try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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