I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
