im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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