I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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