now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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