i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
