Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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