I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
