He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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