Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
