Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
