i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
