I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
