my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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