he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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