Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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