I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
