No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
