Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
