We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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