Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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