How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
