If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
