To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
