Only a mothe r could love this liver
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
