remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
