I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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