at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
