she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
