Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
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arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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