Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
