32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
